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| From this day 2005 |
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| to this day.... |
we have lived a lifetime <3 and now...we are going to do it again.
As I awoke that morning 3:00am my heart was heavy and I just felt unsure of my surroundings. I walked around downstairs trying to find something to piddle on, read, just comfort me. I sat in the dark, on the couch for the longest time in quite (yes I was quite) with nothing really going through my mind. I picked up my phone that was charging to take a peek, I sometimes have an angel who sleeps different hours and sends the sweetest messages for me to read when I awake, I am pretty sure that Lake has the same angel, blessed be anyone who has that love, its straight from heavens gates. This morning the words that my soul needed to hear... "loving you more than you will ever know.. smooches all over that beautiful face. 143 momma mac. My heart filled all the way just seeing her name sings sweet love.
I started reading and flipping through FB and stopped right in my tracks with tears of sorrow, I knew that moment, that second.. I had not done enough... oh yeah.. my mind, my body, my heart all says, I have bonus points God, I am a mother of two boys: Mitch & Lake, a surrogate mother of another beautiful boy: Andrew, Bonus mom to a daughter: Christina and yes another boy: lil' Bob... daughter now has a daughter:caylen (grandmimi), I have been a deer mom, a squirrel mom TWICE...... AND I have traveled across the world to China to assist in bringing home not 1:Tegan BUT 2 :Piper china dolls (while traveling with the first china doll: Bronwyn) SET UP, that's what you call that 3 week trip, undermining my good will as they(Kristin & Stacy) PRAY daily, yearly, God... don't let her get comfortable. Again... I say: God I have bonus points, I traveled to china 3weeks, I love and kissed and prayed for all the orphans from China back across the world to home, I sponsor orphans AND OHHH how my heart adores the three we are BLESSED with that call all of us their fam"ily".
NO, my heart SAW every word God was saying to me: BE BOLD: STAND FOR THIS CHILD AND DO NOT BE AFRAID. I do have to add I have seen this child many times before and yes she is a beautiful baby girl - I have never heard those words nor felt the burden of God so strongly to move forward and go get my girl. I must admit with the "do not be afraid thing" I am thinking oh RahRah is gonn'a think I have lost my mind... so I just prayed "LORD that's your job, you handle his heart because right now I am thinking ..you just filled my plate" and I left it in his hands. When I told Rodney with the true conviction in my heart, he kinda struggled around a little making sure the "I got a lot going on right now" part I told God I had going on.... would not involve him: paper work... I'm sure is all he seen and said "well I guess with that, I better get my seatbelt on and get ready for the ride."
where we stand,{on our knees}
I love hearing how God continues to work in Rodney's heart, its the simple things that I know God is building even more of a foundation for our family, the understanding of what this really means.... Rodney had a call with our social worker the other day and when he was done he called and said "well I guess she didn't really want to know me at all, I tried to talk and she just said "Ill let you go now" of course I asked a million questions thinking he might have just let out one of those simple smallville sayings she just would not understand, kind'a like Rodney describing me as a foul ball - I am sure that was well perceived [Rodney's interpretation] she comes flying in and you never see her coming... everyone should have a Melissa, just not keep her "cause she is mine"
Rodney then said.. "its like she thinks I am not informed or pushed into this cause I don't email or talk a lot", I asked him "well do you think you are?" He looked at me and said... "no more than you <3"
Yeah... God handled it.
so that I don't leave you thinking, we have any bad thoughts concerning our social worker or agency.. we pray more for her I am sure, due to the fact that God would stick her in the middle of our story, its crazy... but its simply beautiful
* Nice try devil.. he is not afraid of where we are... he is afraid of where we are going!
* Lesson of the day courtesy of Victoria Osteen: AGREE with God's word and present it back in FAITH - we don't need to beg God for anything, he has already set up a "policy" in his word for us to receive from him - bring your proof, your evidence, its powerful when we bring God's word back to him.
* Kristin & Stacy keep praying, that we never get comfortable - I love more than words <3
*God handled it... we love each other and our family more everyday in a way that just cant be described, its everything we never knew we wanted
loving you today, until tomorrow
angel girl,we43already
