The You, You Are and The You Others SEE

I am and always have been an open book, maybe because I just like to talk. I found a report card from 2nd grade cleaning out what will be MarleeJ's room and at the bottom in comments it said "a pleasant child who loves to talk" I guess I was born talking and have never shut up...  I am taking it as a positive for the me I am, for the me others see, I will leave that up to you.

We are approaching the 6th month of the adoption process; truth is I am approaching 45yrs in this process, Rodney 40, Lake 18 and Mitch, all 20 of his years because every step that we have taken a has lead us to this moment.  I say that in the confidence from when we started this walk of faith we were faced with the realization of "The You Others SEE" it sounded like this: "you are not normally what we see in adoptive parents" "colorful story" those statements sent me off in the biggest paper chasing, reference letter getting, life writing, box checking, praying "not normal adoptive parent" fact finding mission I had ever been on, called "The Homestudy". We have lived every one of those years, months, weeks, days, minutes and seconds that did not look like what others were use to seeing,, and now asked to defend the "not normal, "the YOU others see"  Rodney and I both are BLESSED with "not normal families" and blessed beyond our ability to truly explain.

As we are approaching our last home visit for the Home Study and checking all the boxes for the must have completed: railing for the stairs, additional smoke detectors and a few odds and ins, I am forced to realize we will never look like "what anyone is use to seeing".  The truth, its not easy to explain 3 Divorces (with all remaining as friends & fam"ily"): china only allows 2 divorces, maybe the references written by the formers helped strike one!  History of Grief The loss of a child; a major undertaking to support your stability to parent moving forward. strike two! ADHD and medicated (this kinda' makes me giggle) the drug is listed as a  psychotropic again a must to support your only use for the drug, not giggling at the process but the fact that Mitch always knew if I had not taken my Meds... with a sweet comment of  "your not medicated today are you?"  believe it or not .. I can TALK a lot more un-medicated!! strike three!   I GUESS.. I would have made everyone's job a little easier if I would have not went backwards into the  ADOPTION PROCESS although Rodney reminds me daily... "why do you think its about you making anything any easier for anyone, Gods gotta' plan, he has had a plan and created us by the plan!"  I love him for the "him he is"

We are in love with a little girl we have never met and yet we have no fear in loving her with #CraZyBiGLoVe because God said "this is the YOU, YOU are!!

(I just found this post.. not posted, not sure why) written a couple weeks ago

loving you today, until tomorrow 

Marlee'J Bily "because I love you"

B.I.L.Y  =  Because I love you
granted the approval to share the name from a dear soul Kota Bily - I fell in love the moment I met him and he loves with a great love; a true friend to Lake through it all <3 
 
Rodney has worked so hard to prepare her the perfect space of her own - He sure makes this 120yr old house a HOME <3  I am so in love  with the hearts filling up to start her story of #CrAZyBiGLoVe  

Thank you for loving us all the way to china and back!

today I am thankful for another mother, who unknowingly stood me on my feet with hope and helped me catch my breath <3

loving you today, until tomorrow

CHINA ADOPTION TEEs

One Mile At A Time Fundraiser

KickOff  Weekend (355 miles) Friday 27th - Sunday 29th winner of the RED-WHITE & BLUE Wreath  *ALL 6* Thank you for showing your CraZyBiGLoVe and support! Rodney has worked all weekend to get the floor completed and he is almost there, once he gets the easy stuff done then I can decorate (BIG SMILE) Week 2 Sponsor give away #RagDoll stitched with love from Marlee's Mamaw Nelda and stuffed with the sweet smells from Smallen Farm "Lavender" #OneMileAtATime (winner will be announced on Sunday)       



Process Defined By ME; Diagnostic Check

Since I made the first call in February to Kristin & Stacy Tadlock to tell them "I received the call/burden that they have been praying for, for years" In the eyes of a little girl thousands of miles away, knowing in my heart EVERYTHING was about to go CRAZY; CrAZy BiG LOvE that is. I have never seen so much paper, paper chasing, studying and answering for every action you have ever executed in your entire life.  The “check the box questions & answers” is the things that drives me into circles of how can you answer “this questions, that question” with a check, yes or no short answer; although patience proves… it all works out, you have plenty of opportunity to tell your story and should enjoy the short answers when afforded. 

This process is defined by me as a diagnostic check on so many different levels.  I have read every resource link, books and blogs known to the world of adoption, maybe not every one of them.. but it feels like it.  I have extended my prayers until sometimes no sleep for the families and agencies that are CrAZy BiG LOvE givers; this is a gift that comes straight from heaven above with such conviction and sadly so many people cannot comprehend or will never know this kind of love.  Riding alongside someone and going through the process comes nowhere close to understanding the things they protect you from i.e., I remember getting the call from my cousin asking if I could write a letter of reference for him that he and Kristin were adopting from China; that started my wait; at this point they had not announced it to the family next layer of protection. They had already faced MONTHS of preparation and CrAZy BiG LOvE exhaustion.  One year later; I had the opportunity to travel three weeks to china to get their second and third daughters. I still had no idea of the depth of involvement, I was struggling filling out the papers simply for my visa and I pride myself on organization, fact finding and a problem solver … mmm Diagnostic Check.  

I can truly say that... I understand the feeling of judgment with every little answer that squeaks out of your mouth or that is written.  I understand the feeling of thinking you are a better person than you really are.  I understand the feeling of knowing nothing and feeling EVERYTHING. Most importantly, I understand the feeling of being LOVED by the highest power and fearing NOTHING! 


"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:30-31  {Diagnostic Check}

 Loving  you today, until tomorrow






Tadlock Girls "CrAZy BiG LOvE"

Lets Start Here.. God handled it

From this day 2005 

to this day....
 

we have lived a lifetime <3  and now...we are going to do it again. 

 

As I awoke that morning 3:00am  my heart was heavy and I just felt unsure of my surroundings. I walked around downstairs trying to find something to piddle on, read, just comfort me. I sat in the dark, on the couch for the longest time in quite (yes I was quite) with nothing really going through my mind. I picked up my phone that was charging to take a peek, I sometimes have an angel who sleeps different hours and sends the sweetest messages for me to read when I awake, I am pretty sure that Lake has the same angel, blessed be anyone who has that love, its straight from heavens gates. This morning the words that my soul needed to hear... "loving you more than you will ever know.. smooches all over that beautiful face. 143 momma mac.  My heart filled all the way just seeing her name sings sweet love.

I started reading and flipping through FB and stopped right in my tracks with tears of sorrow, I knew that moment, that second.. I had not done enough... oh yeah.. my mind, my body, my heart all says, I have bonus points God, I am a mother of two boys: Mitch & Lake, a surrogate mother of another beautiful boy: Andrew, Bonus mom to a daughter: Christina and yes another boy: lil' Bob... daughter now has a daughter:caylen (grandmimi), I have been a deer mom, a squirrel mom TWICE...... AND I have traveled across the world to China to assist in bringing home not 1:Tegan BUT 2 :Piper china dolls (while traveling with the first china doll: Bronwyn) SET UP, that's what you call that 3 week trip, undermining my good will as they(Kristin & Stacy) PRAY daily, yearly, God... don't let her get comfortable. Again... I say: God I have bonus points, I traveled to china 3weeks, I love and kissed and prayed for all the orphans from China back across the world to home, I sponsor orphans AND OHHH how my heart adores the three we are BLESSED with that call all of us their fam"ily". 

NO, my heart SAW every word God was saying to me: BE BOLD: STAND FOR THIS CHILD AND DO NOT BE AFRAID.  I do have to add I have seen this child many times before and yes she is a beautiful baby girl - I have never heard those words nor felt the burden of God so strongly to move forward and go get my girl. I must admit with the "do not be afraid thing" I am thinking oh RahRah is gonn'a think I have lost my mind... so I just prayed "LORD that's your job, you handle his heart because right now I am thinking ..you just filled my plate" and I left it in his hands.  When I told Rodney with the true conviction in my heart, he kinda struggled around a little making sure the "I got a lot going on right now" part I told God I had going on.... would not involve him: paper work... I'm sure is all he seen and said "well I guess with that, I better get my seatbelt on and get ready for the ride."

 

where we stand,{on our knees}

I love hearing how God continues to work in Rodney's heart, its the simple things that I know God is building even more of a foundation for our family, the understanding of what this really means.... Rodney had a call with our social worker the other day and when he was done he called and said "well I guess she didn't really want to know me at all, I tried to talk and she just said "Ill let you go now" of course I asked a million questions thinking he might have just let out one of those simple smallville sayings she just would not understand, kind'a like Rodney describing me as a foul ball - I am sure that was well perceived [Rodney's interpretation] she comes flying in and you never see her coming... everyone should have a Melissa, just not keep her "cause she is mine" 

Rodney then said.. "its like she thinks I am not informed or pushed into this cause I don't email or talk a lot", I asked him "well do you think you are?" He looked at me and said... "no more than you <3"

 

Yeah... God handled it.

so that I don't leave you thinking, we have any bad thoughts concerning our social worker or agency.. we pray more for her I am sure, due to the fact that God would stick her in the middle of our story, its crazy... but its simply beautiful

 

* Nice try devil.. he is not afraid of where we are... he is afraid of where we are going!

* Lesson of the day courtesy of Victoria Osteen: AGREE with God's word and present it back in FAITH - we don't need to beg God for anything, he has already set up a "policy" in his word for us to receive from him - bring your proof, your evidence, its powerful when we bring God's word back to him.

* Kristin & Stacy keep praying, that we never get comfortable - I love more than words <3

*God handled it...  we love each other and our family more everyday in a way that just cant be described, its everything we never knew we wanted   

 

 

loving  you today, until tomorrow

angel girl,we43already